5 Ways to Deal With People Who Drive You Crazy
May 29th, 2013 by Katie Morton
Photo by: MiguelB / Creative Commons
We’ve all had someone like this in our life: the person who drives us irrationally crazy who we cannot stop complaining about. I’ll share with you my story of someone who drove me completely nuts last week, so that we can all be a little wiser for it.
So what happened?
A woman, let’s call her Rue, read an article of mine and signed up for my newsletter so she could read my free eBook. Then after enjoying all of this free content – much of which she said was “excellent” – she decided to repay my generosity by insulting me over email.
Here are 5 things I learned from this experience.
Lesson 1: Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water. Love the baby!
Rue gave me plenty of bathwater, but instead of tossing out the whole experience, I decided to love the baby – in this case, to see what I could learn from someone who drove me crazy.
Rue wrote that she was “deeply disappointed” in my free eBook because she was flustered by the promotional copy at the end that promotes my premium course, 5 Weeks to a Blissful You. Rue threw the baby (the eBook) out with the bathwater (promotional copy.)
Here’s what Rue failed to understand:
The free eBook stands on its own. No purchase required. Follow that eBook and apply it, and you will change your life.
Take the case of 53-year-old Rodrigo. He writes, “I have been consuming alcohol and cigarettes since I was about 9 years old.” Rodrigo had been through therapy and a stint with AA, but neither yielded results. Rodrigo credits 10 Steps to a Blissful Life (the free eBook that deeply disappointed Rue) to his sobriety.
Rodrigo writes, “I finally feel I have my demons pretty much in check…and the one or two times I’ve had a more-than-normal self-pity surge, I reread your 10 Steps to a Blissful Life and refocused again. During these days without drinking sometimes I wake up feeling strange, and laugh when I realize, hell, I don’t have a hangover! Now that’s a novelty.”
Rodrigo isn’t the only one who contacted me with a similar story. Addiction is one of the toughest problems humans have to overcome, yet many have found help in my free eBook – rather than overlooking the value of the eBook just because of the promotional copy at the end.
On a personal note to you: hang around and read my free content. I won’t make you buy anything. Yes, I’m that generous. Don’t be like Rue and throw the baby out with the bathwater. Be like Rodrigo and love the baby.
Lesson 2: Don’t try to prove yourself to them.
When someone drives us crazy, frequently our second reaction (after getting over the initial flash of murderous rage) is to try to win them over. While it’s only human to want to be universally loved and accepted, it’s also impossible to be universally loved and accepted.
I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. –Bill Cosby
Nothing I do is going to be good enough for Rue. Some people are just like that and when you spend time trying to win their favor, you hurt yourself.
Delete your Rues without trying to prove yourself. Love your Rodrigos – that’s your tribe. That’s who matters.
Lesson 3: Deal with people as they are, not as you wish they were.
Rue is dealing with me as she wishes I were: a guru on a mountaintop dishing out free advice to everyone who makes the climb, someone who doesn’t need to pay for a laptop and internet access to get all this free content over to her. What a lovely fantasy.
Rue is not dealing with me as I am: a business person. I know it’s confusing because I’m an insanely generous business person. But people who pay for my course know that the value they’re getting in actually paying is astronomical. Since my free stuff can change lives, just imagine what my paid stuff can do. My paid course will give you Swedish massages on-demand and vacuum your whole house every day for 5 weeks.*
*This claim not approved by the FDA.
Rue thinks I’m making a grab for her wallet and she’s offended by that – but I’m not hiding anything. It’s not called The Monarch Company by accident: I sell a life-changing program. You will get free stuff from me, but you will also be exposed to promotions.
Chances are you’re a reasonable person and promotions don’t make you hyperventilate, but there’s an unsubscribe link at the bottom of all my newsletters for all the Rues out there.
Here’s what I know: people have problems and they want to solve them. Most reasonable people will happily pay money to get their problems solved. I’m a problem solver. I offer an awesome course that helps people learn how to solve their most distressing problems.
To hide my course and to not promote it is to do a disservice to those whose lives will be changed for the better for it. Despite what Rue thinks, to keep my course a secret is mean because it robs people of an amazing opportunity to experience drastic improvement in their lives for the long haul.
Lesson 4: Deal with circumstances as they are, not as you wish they were.
Sometimes we think that a person is driving us crazy but we’re actually dissatisfied with our circumstances. How many of us think we hate our boss, when the reality is we hate our jobs, or we hate being beholden to someone, or we hate that we need to work?
Rue complained a great deal about her financial situation and the large amount of rent she pays, a painful set of circumstances. Rue writes, “I didn’t even click on any of the course links because when I see that prices are hidden, then the person has something to hide or has a considerable price tag attached.”
Here are the circumstances as they are, not as Rue wishes them to be. The course is a ridiculous bargain. I considered pricing it 3 times higher, but I felt it was important to help more people. Pricing the course lower than it is would diminish its value for buyers. Let me explain.
I recently paid $2,000 for an online business course that I couldn’t technically afford. I knew it would improve my life so I went to great lengths to make it happen. I worked my tail off. I squeezed every last drop of value out of that course; I did every single exercise the course recommended. I got my $2,000 worth because I made that course a top priority. Last fall, I paid $500 for a course that went unfinished. Coincidence? No.
My course is of outrageous value for people who want to change their lives. It’s honestly not priced high enough.
If I were Rue and I were to deal with circumstances as they are, then I would recognize that some things are expensive because they’re worth a lot of money. The real question is, if you want the good stuff in life, what lengths will you go to get it?
Lesson 5: Don’t wait around for crumbs.
Rue finished up her email with this: “I will see what your weekly prompts are like before I decide to unsubscribe.” Wait a minute – in her email, Rue wrote that she was “deeply disappointed” – yet she’s hanging around, waiting for things to improve?!
I unsubscribed poor Rue. It would be a disservice to BOTH of us otherwise. Here’s why.
When a person has shown you who they are – whether it’s a business person who markets their business or a complainer who sends complaining emails – stop expecting different behavior or waiting for tiny crumbs of what you really want.
It’s this argument with reality about what this person or circumstance is really like that allows us to hold unrealistic expectations and then be repeatedly disappointed.
Why do we hang around, reluctant to end things, hoping that things will change? We’ve all done this. Maybe it was a job. Or a relationship. We humans hate change, even positive change! We hang on, deeply disappointed, wishing things were different.
Rue was about to be in for an unpleasant surprise had I let her remain on my newsletter list, because I’m promoting my course right now. If you don’t want to buy it, please stay and enjoy the free content. But if you are deeply disappointed, then please go find someone who doesn’t disappoint you!
Same goes for the job or the relationship: There are other fish in the sea. However, there’s another saying: Wherever you go, there you are. If you find that those times in the past when you’ve been deeply disappointed, there’s a general theme following you that looks something like, “They’re all out to get me,” or “They just want my money,” or “All men cheat,” or “They keep trying to make me do things I don’t want to do,” or some other variation of, “Oh boy, here we go again,” then sign up for my course. BAM, got ya! Promotion!
But seriously, don’t wait around for crumbs. I could think, “Oh please, Rue, please decide that my newsletter is worthy of receiving.” I could wait for the crumbs of Rue’s approval. But that’s foolish. I have people to help. I’m not lowering my station in life by waiting around for crumbs. Don’t you do it either. Want to change your life? Click for information about 7 Weeks to a Blissful You.